I’m a dad with a pretty standard dad body and I get tired as fuck carrying my 3 year-old around all the time. Add in a broken arm, and a mountain...

[Coach turns to new punter]: I guess you are better than nothing.

Missed the perfect opportunity to snap it to the upback for the nastiest trick play of all time!

Between Fallon and James Corden’s race for #viral #content, Seth Meyers going for “clapter” (aka the thing he openly denounced once upon a time) every monologue, and Stephen Colbert going unwatched, late-night on the networks sucks now.

He really is the best. I want to squeeze him until he poops.

I recommend replacing the duo with these veterans of the sport:

Hmm...interesting.

Is that like when you play the song from Shrek with steel drums?

I am sorry I became the big bad Pissboy. I am now the Swimmin’ Prince and the big bad Pissboy for I have brought my body’s water onto the land in a shameful way. In the water land where I live, one must only smile and relax and allow the piss to flow from within. We live in the piss pools and we die in the piss pools.…

You make me feel so blue. Grey. White? I don’t know.

Theoretically, they could empty the pool and get the fire trucks.

Well researched. Well written. If your out of the job next week you should send this to Algaezeera. They’d love it.

You can always tell when swimmers beef. Just look for the bubbles.

And Iran

Congratulations to the Cardinals for turning two double plays.

Didn’t see anyone mention Scrubs, especially the episodes with Brendan Fraser.

I saw this as when I was admittedly in a pretty raw emotional place, but still, few things have made me cry so hard:

I stopped being sad when Jenny dies once I grew up and realized how fucking terrible she was to Forrest. Stringing along a mentally challenged man, knowing she could use him because he’d do anything for her....exposing him to god only knows what when she has sex with him and gets pregnant. Only to never tell him that…

The first five minutes of “UP”. Goddamnit it.