Some articles you guys write are so sarcastic I can barely read them. This is one of them.

Look, if you want to fuck the dodo, that’s great. But don’t try and glow him up to some bland, socially acceptable hunk. Just be comfortable wanting to fuck that little round dodo.

Prince composer, songwriters, musician, singer, performer and actor. The Time, Vanity 6, Apollonia 6, The Family, Wendi & Lisa, Jimmy Jam & Terry Lewis, Andre Simone, Alexander O-Neal, Every top diva 80's/90's singer Janet, Jody, Karyn, Cherelle, and Caron. Whew!

or as he was known back then: Head

Michael Jackson could reach things up on slightly higher shelf.

Since they only were only able to complete 5 weeks of their 10-week schedule, a more appropriate name would’ve been the VFL.

Contrarian as opposed to who? The Last Jedi had a 91% RT rating.

I think you can make an argument that Godfather 2 is slightly superior. They’re both masterpieces, but I absolutely love the dual narrative of father and son both getting sucked into the mafia life and losing their souls despite good intentions. Plus the second Godfather has a lot more John Cazale, and considering he…

As repulsed as I am by everything the orange dipshit stands for, if instead of pointing to his bloated skull he were to grab his crotch and bellow, Jersey-style, “I got yer metrics right heeahh,” I’d at least have to respect his game.

The “issue” with The Last Jedi wasn’t ignoring The Force Awakens, but being saddled with the laziness of Awakens. Abrams had no idea for a trilogy, he barely had an idea for that one movie (and that idea was just do A New Hope again, but flashier effects). His storytelling approach has always just been throw shit at…

I mean, this would be fine except for the fact that The Last Jedi is a much better film than The Force Awakens.

You can’t get mad at someone for not doing what you want when you didn’t give them a plan or instructions. Well, I guess you can be mad, but you’re dumb and your feelings are invalid

I guess my take is maybe one of those “hot takes” I’ve heard people talk about, but I think Last Jedi is really the only “good” film of the new trilogy, and has more interesting things to say than literally any of the Star Wars movies (except maybe Empire Strikes Back). Thematically, TLJ is just richer, whereas Force…

Wouldn’t it have made more sense to have Senor Chang host this show?

“I thought I was spared the horrid ‘motivational’ phrase going around now—’If you don’t come out of this with a new skill, you never lacked time, you lacked discipline’—[...]

I could never rise to Monica Lewinsky’s level of magnanimity.

“Awww, boy. I’m just so tired of all these star wars.”

Counterpoint: paying someone to tell you how you can or can’t use the property you paid for, particularly when they aren’t the government, is pure crazytown.

stop right the fuck there.

“Holy geez look at the butt on that”