I feel so bad for this girl. Denied access to birth control and sex ed as a teen by her parents, still denied birth control as an adult by her parents. She once said in an interview that abstinence for everyone wasn’t realistic, only to have stage-mom Sarah Palin swoop in from off camera and say “Abstinence!…

How Reagan-esque. That should have been a selling point.

Here you go:

To save somebody else the click: Apparently “secret wife” means he was married at 19 and divorced at 21 and doesn’t have this information, like, branded on his forehead for all to see.

I must need a Palin-to-English translator to understand this woman.

What you did makes perfect sense, and I’d probably do the same, but it’s a little sad to think that relatively mundane sales transactions between people now have to be turned into wild west showdowns with everyone on edge.

“Not to be insensitive, but can’t she die on her own time?”

If he would have hit that ball anywhere else in the ball park, but he had to hit it the one place there was a fan.

A friend of mine is at the game and told me that she left on a stretcher but was moving around.

No doubt there will be stupid “not paying attention” comments, but that is just colossal bad luck.

Pro tip #2: Don't drive intoxicated.

The ticket comes with a complimentary bottle of vodka stolen from Jake's dad's bar in the basement. He'll totally never notice/care.