I love how you said “yes, the audio company”even though no one knows who Becker is

Wait. You are telling me that people put music playing devices into their automobiles to interrupt the joyous sound of the engine revving to red line, the terrified sound of the passenger screaming, the angry sound of other drivers cursing and honking, and the shrieking sound of pedestrians as you tear past them?

Double-tap if you ever had this setup in your car.

“SWALLOWED A PEN BECAUSE NO ONE PAID ATTENTION TO HIM”

*cough cough*

Hehehehe, dicktation.

She’s much too old for him.

I’d venture a guess that DNR folks are not the type to change their minds, but A) that’s why you’d include the identifier to the paperwork and B) you can tattoo over the mark or put a line through it. Sure tattoos are “permanent” (though even that isn’t really the case today) but there’s nothing preventing you from…

Semi-standardized, mass issued, self identifying tattoos HAS been done before with relative success. Case in point... it’s been at least 20 years since there has been any confusion as to someone’s “Tramp Status”.

“There comes a time in any relationship when you just have to say ‘Fuck it’, say goodbye and move on. This is my time! I am quitting to pursue my dream of not having to work here.”

Could have also used paper towels to dry off. I know a guy practicing his throws for just this chance.

Brilliant! Now I see our strategy for stopping their missile tests.

Can I just get a job in the Jalopnik peanut gallery already?

When can you start?

I don’t care for the aftermarket headlights.

Minor edit, but this “the driver’s Porsche lost control”

I generally agree, but I find it rather strange that the letter never once mentions how his/her fiancée feels about this situation considering that this is her sister. We know the LW feels the sister is a user and a nightmare and would rather she not come at all if she insists on bringing her children with her, but…

If only the windshield washer sprayed golden showers