not caring how they're done and not knowing multiple ways TO COOK EGGS are completely different.

Where is everyone getting these fetus dolls????

"She paid rent, and she was there probably three times."

I had no idea Raven Symone and Lindsay Lohan were pulling George W. Bush's strings, let alone neo-cons. That's a Disney Channel movie I want to see.

But it has no flange! Won't someone think of the flange?!

Noooo. Mint and olive oil? He is definitely planning to kill and eat you.

Mint & Olive Oil? I admit I have an over active imagination & watch a lot of Hannibal, but my first thought was "he's going to make sausage casing out of their intestines."

Well I mean it WAS in the trash can. You were obviously done with it. #rude.

It makes me feel better about the last creepy message I received on okcupid...

Had to be done.

I might agree to his proposal simply because I am very curious to see this guy at work.

Well, as a true dyed-in-the-wool pervert who used to sell sex toys, I can tell you that my immediate first thought was, "oh yeah. Textured." So that would be my guess as to why pepperoni. If you don't want to go out and buy a big veiny dildo, this might be your cheapest option. Or else he's using the cheap stuff…

This is what I woke up to in my visitor history this morning. I was exasperated when I saw that shirtless guy's favorite movie was "dum and dummer" (yes, spelled like that). Then I saw his competition.

My dog figured out how to open the refrigerator on her own. I came home and she had completely cleared out $200 worth of groceries, and was lying on the kitchen floor surrounded by the remains of her kill, too stuffed to even get up and go hide under the bed. The butter tub was licked clean, literally everything…

My dog went into the kitchen once, pulled out an empty chili container from the trash and brought it back to us. She plopped down in front of us and started to work on licking out the chili leavings. Like "HOW YOU GUYS DOIN'; I GOT CHILI." When we tried to take it from her she was like "EXCUSE ME, ASSHOLES THAT IS…

What relationship? I've never even been on a real date!

I was trying to find a gif to express my exasperation and LOOK AT THIS TINY VAL KILMER OF YESTERYEAR

I went through random emotions. One day I would say I'm gonna delete it, then the next day I change my mind, and that went on and on for months. When I first started to do it I thought it would just be a fun thing to do and then I found someone I liked and he ended up being a cheating asshole. Found someone else I…