Say what you will about Tim Kurkjian, but by god, If everyone in our country loved each other with the same genuine passion and optimism as Tim Kurkjian has for baseball, I strongly believe we would not have any crime in our society.

- I don't see the problem?

Unfortunately the stadium's support structures were designed for weight capacity standards that are only applicable in the other 49 states.

Kerridge: [logs onto twitter]

*nope

yeah but unlike your cock it actually got to hit a girl in her face

His jean shorts say "yeah, I probably neglect my child" while his Florida residency says "yeah, I probably neglect my child."

Awkward conversation. A man and woman drinking cheap booze. Neither has any idea where this terrible conversation is going.

In the Copenhagen Interpretation, the toilet is simultaneously flushed and not-flushed.

Schroedinger's skat

"The wi-fi? Yes it's free!"

In Russia, this is known as Putin on the Ritz.