Once you invoke “god” against your enemies, I’m going to ignore everything your stupid ass has to say.

To be fair, attacking and trying to silence your husband’s sexual assault victims is pretty bad.

Wouldn’t bullying and silencing her husband’s sexual assault victims count as enabling?

People, she already took care of it. Leave her alone.

Some people I see in restaurants and stores make me think “but I can’t bring my dogs in here? They’re cleaner and better behaved.”

His mouth says he loves the ladies but his mustache says “Hang on, fella!”.

Nothing makes my kids think I’m an old man more than me saying this about an NFL or NBA player (and I do it all the time!): “Jesus, I remember watching this guy’s dad in college.”

Finally America can piss directly down my throat instead of just pussyfooting around about it.

Finally!

Shut the fuck up!

You’re a peach and I can eat peaches all day.

Waste of money, advertisers. The only thing in that video I’m interested in consuming is J-Lo’s butt.

Oh man, sending Pat to North Carolina to use a public restroom could potentially be a great skit.

I’m sure it’s much more likely that a male to female person being forced to use the men’s room will be assaulted by ignorant bigots.

either dump the law and comply with the the Civil Rights Act, or implement the law and risk losing federal funding for public schools.

Dwayne Bowe lasted almost ten years and he doesn’t even have hands.

I was kinda grossed out about him reaching into the shoe for the ball and picking up the shoes like he did and then they zoomed out to the guy who owns the shoes and he wasn’t wearing socks. Nasty.

I got the mother of my children a hangover for Mother’s Day. In our house Sunday holidays are celebrated on Saturday.

More importantly, who just throws away a burrito like its a goddamn baby?