Oh lordy. You sound like you speak from experience...

So his ass is not da Real MVP.

Which animals were his preferred sex partners?

Dude, that's so Aron Baynes.

We look forward to seeing the unknown X-ray the next time an athlete suffers a horrific break.

Ya gotta have Diaw riding shotgun munchin' on some good old McD's fries. And Patty Mills in the backseat waving shit at people.

Why can't more baseball players learn to channel the power of their ass fat like Bartolo Colon?

2015, you fuckers. Here we come.

God, I really wish somehow, someone, somewhere would totally "accidentally" cross him nice on the chin. Just totally by "accident".

He's such a fucking shady douche.

Oh, god, that's hot.

Hey, you leave the Red Mamba alone. He's off in his own parallel universe eating sandwiches and running for governor of New Hampshire.

Okay, you gotta spill more gossipy deets now, man.

:'(

Yes. People. People are the only answer. We should all just be people. No political parties. Just people. Then maybe we could have other basketball and baseball teams. No more burgers, no more noodles. Just...

This game is going to suck. Tremendously.

This movie is going to suck. Tremendously.

It is rumored that Tim Duncan has his very own D&D character that is deployed in basements across the suburbs of San Antonio. Kobe Bryant, on the other hand, allegedly has a Rohypnol manufacturing facility on the outskirts of Tijuana named after him.

HA! Obviously, you do not even WAR. SMH.

I think Cleveland Cavalliers looks quite good. They got this new guy. I hear he's like amazing. He has many stats and stuff.