"I cannot refute anything in the story. Yes, I have known Roger Clemens for a long time. He's a kind and caring man. He's also a legendary athlete."

Boo. A trial? THAT'S the hilarity? I was expecting some sort of mad-cap chase through the streets of Rio to the Benny Hill music, possibly with one of the transvestites waving a rolling pin as she ran. Ronaldo would of course have had to hide in some sort of large straw vessel at some point.

Voltaire will win the struggle against dogmatic religion. The Catholic Church is just helping him shed his sense of Enlightenment. — Candides Keeper

Seriously, Carey? You pick NOW to start eating it consistently? You couldn't have done this, oh, 4 games ago?

You know you're in trouble when your team's down by 6 with 34.9 on the clock... and your secret weapon is Eddie Fucking House. Seriously now?!

Now Playing... KOBE BRYANT in HOME ALONE 4: Little Lost MVP! Rated PG.

Given that hilarity and relevance are hallmarks of the "appropriate" image, I can only assume that UN-hilarity and IR-relevance mark the "IN-appropriate" image. To that end, I would like to request that commenter Coors Light be summarily banned, as I find his/her images to be distracting, irritating, and not at all…

I like when Suss gets mad.

@MattinglysSideburns: I thought it was my VORC (Value Over Replacement Commenter).

The Postman Always Rings Twice... kid's last name is Bell... argh Monday brain STEP IT UP!

@OchentaYcinco: No, no, silly. YOU'VE HAD THE POWER INSIDE YOU ALL ALONG.

I think we're all missing the point here, which is that the Mavericks suck. Waiter, is my Meltdown ready yet? I'm trying to make a 7:30 movie.

Not surprised about the Rays' sudden deadliness at all: Steve Ir... ah, you know the rest.

@Brazil Thrill - Hawks Aficionado: Yeah, clearly as a Celtics fan I hate black people. Thanks for that astute observation.

"The Maverick Meltdown" sounds like some kind of tasty southwestern cheeseburger. Mmm... meltdown.

That story is completely nuts. What on earth did this chick shove into herself with enough strength to de-virginize herself?

ENRAGED AND/OR MILDLY HOMOPHOBIC EXPRESSION OF DISCONTENT AT THIS PORTRAYAL OF A MEMBER OF MY LOCAL ATHLETIC TEAM COUPLED WITH ASSERTION THAT THE PURVEYORS AND/OR ENDORSERS OF SAID PORTRAYAL WILL COME TO RUE THIS DAY UPON THE ARRIVAL OF THIS YEAR'S SEQUENCE OF PRESCHEDULED SPORTING EVENTS

Why should Caesar get to stomp around like a giant, while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? What's so great about Caesar? Huh? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar. Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar. And when did it become okay for one…

@futuremrsrickankiel: kill yourself

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