I paid about $30 for mine, which contained 12 heads of garlic

The thing is—I like this job if I was doing a normal workload—but the thought of keeping this up nearly by myself for 9 months seems impossible. I actually have an anxiety disorder normally—the last month I’ve barely slept worrying about what I will need to tackle the next day, and the anxiety is making me physically…

“How to Get Fired”

Elephant garlic is an allium, but it’s more closely related to onions than to garlic. There are dozens of garlic cultivars, just as there are dozens of tomato cultivars, and what Kate bought is apparently a cultivar that has really large cloves, or perhaps the size of the cloves is due to the quality of the soil in…

All those weird crazy psycophathic people who need help have turned out to be men so far. 

Damn. I had no idea.

Perfect. You can be my maid/man of honor.

‘Salright, men get a pass to dress as women.

Ever hear of Steak and Blowjobs day? It’s kind of a gross concept, really.

I’m carrying that breadstick bouquet down the aisle before cutting my five-layer wedding cheese cake. Guests will get Babybels instead of those almonds.

How much would a 5 layer wedding cake be? I need to put this into context.

Why should breastmilk be different from any other bodily fluid? OK, so I ate it when I was a baby. I also swap spit with my boyfriends, but that doesn’t mean I want strangers spitting on me.

Weird as fuck. 

Oh, your poor little kitty cat.

Bless your heart, and I mean that in the sincere sense.

A man’s full scrotum hanging out of the inseam of his shorts. No dick, just balls. I was sitting right across from him. I can only assume it was purposeful.

“Only once the $10 minimum is reached does the tip amount start to boost the worker’s take-home pay.”

And we did see the dress-snaps that were holding part of her costume in place; there was no accident.

She was wearing a nipple patch/petal.

Correction: It was a nipple shield, not a pastie. Her nipple did show some. The aureole was covered by the shield.