I should replace my bras every 6-8 months

But you can mount it.

lol, open your calendar, make an appointment, ask if there is anything else, give a warm, genuine good bye, and sit back and watch hilarity ensue. Hilarity for you, that is.

he was in a position of power

Wearing white after Labor Day. What *is* she thinking?

I think that falls under “those were her things she had when she entered the apartment.”

Yeah, officers always check to see if a gun is licensed and whether the bearer has the proper permits before they shoot.

Probably just like with the prosthetic penis, the real ones fit into an indentation in the fake ones.

One thing I have trouble with about OKC (which I believe has switched to a swipe model) is that when I re-enable my profile, I get higher interest bc it’s new and everyone is like “new meat!” Granted, most of those people stop responding, but I can’t deal with more than a couple people at once. 

I’ve even had to be the one to suggest meeting in person every time.

Just as a general online dating tip, don’t swipe on too many at once. Juggling too many responders is exhausting and disheartening. Swipe on a few, see where they go. When some of those ghost, swipe on a few more.

lol, I want some peafowl. I probably want single-sex peafowl bc there is a limit to how many I need.

In other news, I discovered the keurig machine in the staff room is harboring roaches

“That’s so thoughtful. I couldn’t possibly.”

the MoH insisted the bride try it on to show her future mother in law, sister in law, grandmother and my mom.

I’m inviting you to my shower. I’ll need help crafting my pie tin Madonna cone bra.

I thought they were looking for the worst bridal shower, not the best!

You play stupid games at bridal showers. Baby games sound more like a baby shower than a bridal shower, but whatever. Do some googling. It’ll be ... instructive.

“guess the baby poop in the diaper that’s really chocolate”

Her parents are divorced and her mother spends every penny of her alimony trying to keep up with her former lifestyle- the one her ex husband is currently living with his new wife-the daughter’s college roommate.