Someone on one of the major networks was saying it couldn’t be terrorism because no terrorist would be dumb enough to put a bomb in a dumpster where it would contain the blast and minimize damage.

If I don’t emerge in a week or so maybe text or something but 24 hours could almost just be a nap.

No shit. I didn’t set foot outside my apartment from Monday until Friday last week, and I only went outside Friday because I knew I had some eyeshadow waiting for me in my mailbox downstairs. I regularly get home Friday evening and hole up until Monday morning when I have to go to work. It’s one of my favorite things…

24 hours doesn’t seem like an alarmingly long time to stay inside. My neighbors would be calling the police on me during every Law & Order marathon

My dog was a shelter dog who lived to be 16. We got Abby when I was 4 and my mom was pregnant with my brother. She lived until 5 days after I turned 20. She was my absolute best friend growing up and she always knew how to make me smile. She was the absolute sweetest dog who loved everyone. What I would give to have…

Let’s talk about our sweet pups who have passed!

Dude, if I were the poor sister I would tell bride sister to absolutely take rich sister’s money. Then we could split the cash to go do something awesome just the two of us. And if we’re feeling bitchy we could plaster pics all over Facebook of our great time together. We could even tag mean sister like, “Without Mary…

My vegetarian-diet farts must have seemed like the space shuttle taking off

I would never have responded to her, got to school early, put my shit into the desk next to the window and been laying on the top bunk when that bitch opened the door.

Holy shit, some menfolk are about to lose their minds.

Then he’ll allow Trump to interrupt with, “I can do it in 4 words. NO GIRLS IN SCHOOL.” receiving tearful applause from Lauer and a standing ovation from his roving entourage of neckbearded babymen.

“Abolish the NRA.”

Might have been over a girl...

I broke my arm when I was 13. When they took off the cast, my tendons had healed a little too tight. I found out that I could throw a baseball incredibly fast. I got signed to a major league team and did really well closing out games. I eventually reinjured my arm later in the season and had to retire. But I’ll always…

Getting selected for jury duty that starts the morning after the VMAs where her Kimye feud would be on full display....mhmmmm, I see you Tay.

There might be something to that. I have a friend who seemingly gets cheated on by every guy she is with. She is crazy smart, a doctor at 31 years old, one of the nicest, most thoughtful people I’ve ever met, and model-level gorgeous. Always kind of wondered what all the idiots she’s dated were thinking when they…

I just saw this on TV in the lunch room. I literally jumped up and shouted, “FINALLY!”

When I was a kid, I thought Juan Gabriel was our Michael Jackson.

My favorite part was her accepting the award from the Final Five looking like Bey’Glinda the Good Witch of the Durty South lording over her little Olympic munchkins, and Laurie freaking-the-hell out.