As you noted, this incident wasn’t at all about being possessive about the fish. “Are you black or white? . . . Oh yeah, it matters” pretty much encapsulates this petty, vile shell of a human being.

This might be the first instance of a shark jumping a show.

Maybe Bethany Frankel will be lowered into an actual tank filled with sharks?

I’d watch that.

“ crawl inside of him and live their until one of them died.” I’m sending this to my hubby as a love note. Hahahahaha. I like my affection for him to on the creepy side and that is full on terrifying. Thank you for allowing me to steal this line to make my hubby feel cherished.  

That next to last line really brought it all together for me.

I once met a guy that spent the car ride reading every license plate and telling me what county they were from. This was on a blind date driving to a game two hours each way. There was a claim that he invented some golf club that revolutionized the game and somebody stole from him. He also wouldn’t even go through a…

SHE DIDN’T SAY SHE WAS THE FIRST. THAT IS WHY THIS BLOG POST WAS WRITTEN.

A kid in my daughter’s high school was known for his giant equipment and was sitting next to her in a similar fashion last spring, dong resting on his thigh, khakis straining to contain the monstrous organ. She looked at it and hissed, “Jesus, rearrange that RIGHT NOW!!” Mortified, he complied with her directive.

If it’s a dong, it’s deliberate. Trust me.

“Jon Hamm’s penis is about the size of an obese hamster.”

Looking at that top picture, Jdepp is starting to get the face he deserves.

I’m obviously TeamLupone because a) she’s not wrong and b) I’m afraid of her.

1. Yes there are many stupid people

I am an influencer. I am influencing all of you to start wearing bedazzled gauchos and buy the throwback toy, The Lemon Twist. Now send me a dollar.

We’re tequila drinkers (neat, as it should be done, or on the rocks in the summer when we want something cold). Casamigos is good but not excellent. Smooth, totally drinkable, perfectly pleasant, but nothing to write home about. If you want a reliably good tequila without spending week’s pay, Casamigos is a safe bet.…

Yes, Abstinence Annie has three fucking kids by two different men, and two out of wed-lock. All while accepting shitloads of money to run around preaching abstinence to teenagers. She probably fucked right after she cashed each check.

That is not a cake or a birthday party. That is an ad and a branding opportunity. #sponcon

there’s not even any cake in their cake!

I bet Bristol wants Atlee to be a successful atleete.

I’m not sure whether Miley can go back to that audience, which is why I have no idea how her album will work out.