I’m just glad the government decided that a bloated military is more important than fancy book learnin'. The only thing worth going fast in a circle belongs in a Number 3 car. I'd like to see some nerd win at Daytona. 

The best non-stick pan is a well-seasoned and maintained cast iron pan. 

If their porn search history is any indication, they don't have to leave to get their freak on.

Then Dipshit45 would reduce its size and give the rest to miners. 

Next up: Casper.

Or maybe it was because you’re an asshole.

It’s been so long since I've seen it. You'd think the power of Kevin Bacon playing chicken on a tractor and teaching everyone the power of dance would've rubbed off on them. 

It’s like they're in some sort of race against themselves to become the most lame state in the country (they already are). The whole state is that one town from Footloose.

I, personally, cannot wait to never use it. 

You’re very welcome. 

I served my second tour in Iraq with two brothers who were born in Iran and spoke English as a second language. They were both practicing Muslims. In 2005, this would've easily been a pretty racist/bigoted situation in a lot workplaces. But in our unit, these guys were absolutely a part of what made us strong. Their…

“Can you think, for example, of other institutions such as, I don’t know, marriage or military units in which the less people have in common, the more cohesive they are?”

Pierce finally became a level 6 Laser Lotus.

How's that neck beard coming in? 

It’s weak because it's bullshit. 

If you just buy Sprint's denial, I got some land on the moon you might be interested in. 

At least we're still comforted by the fact that business will never throttle anything because they have our best interests in mind. 

Papa John’s complained the ACA would cost them $16 million.

My wife makes me homemade chicken soup if I'm super sick. I drink a ton of apple juice or cider.