Right, but this was in response to ‘branding’ which I see as his groovy character but largely his physical appearance across all sorts of media, which is pretty darn white. In reality he probably had dark skin. (Has the census not changed to ‘Caucasian’?  Or is Caucasian now out of vogue?)

Jesus who, say what you will, knew how to brand.

He looks like a young Willem Dafoe

Paul’s letter to the Corinthians: “Guys, we gotta move more merch.”

Always with the Muhammad—praise and blessings be upon his name—popularity truthers

I feel like that whole “No depictions of him ever or woe unto you” thing probably hurts Muhammad in the fame department vs. Jesus who, say what you will, knew how to brand.

They edited my email and took out the *almost*

Cleveland fans have been so deluded by a single Cavs title — the result of a once-in-a-generation level hometown talent committing an act of charity that would have made Jesus blush — that the Browns trying to replicate that model. But the moral they took from the story wasn’t finding a “once-in-a-generation level…

Between being just under .500 last year, acquiring one of the game’s most famous players, and having an absolutely loaded roster and the feverish hype to match, it’s somewhat unnerving how similar the preseason 2019 Browns are to the preseason 2019 Phillies.

Your 2018 record: 7-8-1.

We had our third non-losing season in 20 years, added a couple offensive pieces, and now our idiot fans thinks the Browns are going to the fucking Super Bowl.

it’s a symptom of a fundamentally broken model of modern liberal discourse, where the thing being asked for is not a better world- that is treated as an impossibility- but instead one where systemic abuses of power are distributed more evenly. a broken-willed people looking up at their jailors and asking them to Hire…

Or maybe the wealthy professional football team he plays for could figure out a way to get its hands on one for him.

The Panthers are the most McMansiony of all the newer NFL teams. There’s a flashy surface value to them that covers up cheap drywall, a leaky roof, and faulty plumbing that always need fixing every couple years. They have the personality of a subdivision called Gridiron Grotto where there’s an artificial lake that is…

I assume he didn’t want to risk an injury that would prevent him from giving his post-game press conference in the really cool hat he had picked out.

There’s good precedent for that. The PA state Capitol has a hallway with portraits of about a dozen House Speakers. This being Pennsylvania, three of them became corrupt and ended up in prison.

Submissions for the NFL previews are closed. Next up: Cleveland Browns.

*Marianne Williamson promises to publicly audit all four sports leagues*

The laptop that Cam Newton stole in college is technologically more advanced than 95% of North Carolina. 

Chase Blackburn looks like an index finger