Pizza guy.

"The girls will not face any charges because no actual crime was committed, the Genesee County Sheriff's Office said."

No, thank you.

10 years ago my grandfather had dementia and after he died we found out that he had been duped by con artists over the phone into signing up for so many scams it was hard to keep them all straight. Took out a first and second mortgage on their house (of which the lent money vanished), signed up for more credit cards…

It goes without saying! What kind of hack do you take me for!

I figured that would be the four kids. Plottin' and a-schemin' to keep our lovers apart by playing on their basic, bedrock decency.

Because the wife was standing between him and the girl he should've married but let go so she could follow her dream of being an astronaut.

Killing animals is like the exact opposite of sexy to me.

THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO HUNTERS

"Hey girl, let me take you out for a sexy candlelit dinner paid for by my dad, and after we can ride home in my dad's Audi to what is technically my dad's apartment..." Yeah no.

What kind of fucking monster kills a dog?

If you kill my dog I fucking kill you straight up no questions asked ever

^^My main takeaway

I think a 30 year old getting an allowance from their parents takes them pretty much out of my "sexy" column.

I've seen pundits who are lousy on-air, but who I've suspected are fairly nice or reasonable people IRL. Hannity is not one of them. I've always had a suspicion that he is really a nasty, myopic guy all the time. Now I've got confirmation!

yeah, you know what? i wanted to be like, fucking about time, assholes.

BRING ON THE SCOTAL SAGAS, MY COMPATRIOTS.

"If you think that's a bit much for you, skip ahead to Jesse Layton's story, which is a little gross, but at least it doesn't involve any ballsacks. Consider yourself warned."

I once worked in a hospital, the same one as my dad, but as a lowly receptionist. This nurse was so horrible to me, shouted at me, belittled me etc. The next day she comes in, all sweetness and light, calling me darling etc., as she's worked out my surname (which is a pretty unusual one) is the same one as my dad's,…

I was serving a grandfather and his teenage grandson. The kid asked for a bowl of chili, at which point I explained that we were out of chili, apologized (why we as servers have to do this, I don't know, but we do) and told him the other soups we had available. The kid said, "But I wanted the chili." Ok, well,…