Hit that Xanax button as if your life depended on it!

AM I THE ONLY GOD DAMN PERSON WHO HATES CHAMPAGNE? I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

There's a table full of Deadspin guys who were really, really confused.

This product — name, spokesperson, description — feels like a parody of what women like (Chardonnay! Sweaters!) and what black people like (Sweet stuff! Non-standard English!).

Ahh, yes. My ex-boyfriend was thin and looked great in clothes. But naked, he sort of resembled a droopy stick figure. His butt was bizarrely flat without any muscle or fat in it, so touching it was like grabbing at pudding. When he ate a large meal, it gave him a potbelly until it was properly digested so you could…