Yeah, I don't care much, but the whole "a male witch is a warlock" sounded more like something people made up much later to make sure little boys didn't get confused about what to do with their willies. What do "warlocks" study? Oh yeah, witchcraft. Any warlock hunts? Nope. Do men occasionally get murdered in…

Everything about this premise sounds great!

I'm taller than Alan Ladd was, barely.

Okra provides the sliminess that keeps it efficiently moving through your system.

I was thinking Robert Redford circa 1975. Unibombing kept his Hollywood edge, like when Paul Newman did that DB Cooper thing.

Wait, the profiler - a job a lot of evidence points to being largely bulllshit anyway - is the hero when what really happened is Ted's bro couldn't keep ignoring that people were being killed and finally gave him up?

I think the "let's get drunk and yell a lot about things we don't understand" mantle has already been taken this election. In politics, like music, timing is everything.

Really?

I've had them leave me voice mail about how the IRS repossession squad was on the way.

Haha - you're not a woman.

Government shouldn't do easy things because they're bad at doing hard things. Makes sense to me!

Just act like a robot talking to a preschooler. Never vary your tone, never get upset, never give them any reason to think you will do anything but cancel service. Answer any question with "I am calling to cancel my service" no matter how bizarre or irrelevant that is. Even things that aren't even questions like "I…

When I was young I did CS and would give free stuff to people that were nice. Like "I have a drawer full of exactly what you need; gimme an address and they're in the mail today". Assholes, whiners and scammers? Sorry, but the rules were what they were and I was sorry but my supervisor would just say the same thing…

Sure; Snow White Lowenstein and Snow White Greenberg.

Final Fantasy XX: Dude She's Fifteen

To me, "boring" means "I don't care about the characters". If I don't care about the characters, I don't care about where they live, what happens to them and how the react to things. Not giving a shit about what's going on on-screen is, to me, what boring is. And since caring about characters is often hit-or-miss, I…

"Doctor Facehands should have run for six seasons and a movie."

Probably better than my "direct descendant of Zorro" theory. Not sure by how much though.

Bat Baby would be pretty sweet, too.

In real life, I'm sure people would find an excuse to bail on that story by the third paragraph. But thanks to the internet, petty rants can be typed out into their entirety and saved for posterity.