Either way, the best you can hope for is some awful ribbon candy; what's the point?

That movie sucked. The wrap-around was okay and Lithgow did his best at 30,000 feet, but the rest were just bad. Even the "it's a good life" redo just seemed like going through the motions and missing the point. The movie wasn't scary, it wasn't deep, it wasn't perceptive. Even the Landis one that wanted to be…

Wow, I'd always assumed Dragnet was from the 60s, like one of those square rearguard things with established networks trying to hold out against the hippies. We used to watch it as kids, though I guess we also watched Lucy.

Since my friend you have revealed your deepest fear
I sentence you to be exposed before your peers
Tear down the wall

Hoah-hoah-hoah, gumbo ess ready!

I thought that was the secret of Sprite?

Schools have valets?

I remember they used to hand out fliers for "intelligence tests", which seemed clever. What college kid doesn't want to strut around with a huge score (while secretly terrified they're the dumbest idiot on campus).

What if it were a drinking contest?

Well, depending on your tax bracket it may or may not qualify as "annihilation", but there's always "Kill the Poor".

They should have taken the Grand Funk Railroad.

That Married With Children episode where they tried to launch Matt LeBlanc before America was ready?

Does he watch Rizzoli and Isles convinced this is finally going to be the episode where they bone?

True story: for awhile as a kid we lived next door to an old retired guy who would teach bagpipes as a way to keep busy. So we didn't just get bagpipes on Saturdays, but bagpipe students. Real nice guy though.

Hey, she's no bum.

I hope the nickname was that she used to kidnap and eat people's Scottie dogs because she thought their raw flesh made her more diabolically clever, and every time she sees one now she flinches and does a "serenity now".

I hear you can barely recognize it when it's angry, becoming something odd and unnatural. A kind of, well, semicolon.

There's a fuck-ton in Seattle, too, likely for similar reasons.

Just for completionism, is it okay to put mayo on a hot dog? What if it's garlic mayo?

"Is this some kind of bust?"
"Yes, ma’am, it’s very impressive, but we need to ask you a few questions."