fave joke thus far:

That was the wurst comment.

You know what Mexico does to illegal immigrants? They imprison them and give them a year of hard labor.

The first part of that statement is wrong—if he had a long memory, he wouldn’t need a fucking list.

All you have to see to know how awesome Mark Hamill is is to look at how he’s signed star wars trading cards over the years:

Isn’t it weird to think that WW1 was just a big ass family squabble?

Alan Rickman

Kinda think they should call it: Two Many Dicks on the Dance Floor. But that might New Zealand rules football...

I fainted at work once in front of 2 people

When my mother watches these award shows and recounting them to me, she always feels the need to tell which performers were without pants. lol

To pen an authentic and intellectual cinema review – the kind worthy of publication in America’s snootiest airport magazine – one must remember to include countless, such as it were, asides and clauses, seemingly without a purpose other than rendering one’s prose an inarticulate gruel of half thoughts, all while…

The director of “Rogue One,” Gareth Edwards, has stepped into a mythopoetic stew so half-baked and overcooked, a morass of pre-instantly overanalyzed implications of such shuddering impact to the series’ fundamentalists, that he lumbers through, seemingly stunned or constrained or cautious to the vanishing point of…

For sale: Browns jersey, never won.

#GPODAWUND

Next up for consideration:

I went to high school in San Diego and had a good buddy on the basketball team. He was playing a tournament thing down there against University of SD highschool, which is this fancypants private deal everybody just called “Uni” and I went to the game as I was staying at his folks house because my parents were outta…

Yeah, I think people making fun of this are seriously underestimating the thought that goes into these kinds of shoots and cover designs. It is not an accident that Trump’s cover image resembles Hitler’s in several significant ways. It’s not an accident that unlike every other Time Person of the Year cover in the…

As long as it’s a baby mouse I would probably eat that. Baby things are delicious. Baby cow, awesome. Baby pig, awesome. Baby corn, awesome.

Copy: “Belgian white, milk, and dark chocolate mice are tempered until smooth and creamy and neatly arranged in a tin, ready for giving.”

I’ve heard people talking about Gillibrand 2020. I really, really wanted Hillary to be the first woman president (because I think she’s brilliant and she’s had to stand in a shower of such hateful shit for 30 years). But from everything I’ve heard about Kirsten Gillibrand, she seems like an excellent candidate. Plus…