“When he opens his mouth it’s a vacuous hole: There’s little room for a brain or anything else.”

This is really the only acceptable response.

I’ll add this tip, check your life insurance policy. My policy includes a will writing service. There is a list of local attorneys that will prepare my will free of charge. I’m not sure how common this benefit is. 

Your will should be pretty simple.

High in carbs, fat and salt.

Have you ever thought about starting an “ask a green person” column? I certainly have some questions that I can’t find clear answers to. 

How do you insure a 850 year old cathedral that is the height of gothic architecture and filled to the brim with priceless art and artefacts? This wasn’t any old church, it would be like insuring the Sphinx or Machu Pichu

But then you’d just end up with a Brontësaurus. 

Replace them the next time the customer comes to the store, like a responsible manager would.

In hindsight it’s pretty clear that Trump’s 2015 “I like people who don’t get caught” comment about McCain was a watershed moment for the GOP. Until that point, Trump had of course said a lot of horrible and stupid things, but he hadn’t really attacked and disgraced anything that the GOP held as absolute sacrosanct.

WorkLess

Arrest was super Effective!

Wait, are you sure they weren’t hitting ON the officer?

The police caught 'em all.

Well, I’m reading this at work, so this could get kinda awkward, quickly... but what the hell.

The best part about being divorced is that when I put things away now, they stay put away until I need them again.

This whole article was a ploy to let everyone know I am not single.

Vector graphics were indeed the shit back then.

@Platypus Man: I agree, but I am most impressed by the 1985 vector graphics! Man, vector graphics must have been the SHIT back then (I was too young to know). I mean compared to two years earlier on the 2600, it's night and day.