Oh god.

HA

TAKE THAT BACK. Fox Mulder is amazing and he can't help that his show was a product of the nineties!

Haha, "whimsical" is the last word I'd use to describe Rand Paul. Hopefully the entire state of Iowa is smarter than that.

As all Iowans should be!

I get that politicians pander, but come on, if you were on the fence about Rand Paul 2016, would a corn tie REALLY convince you?

I <3 you, thanks!

Don't forget Ron Paul and Aaron Paul.

For the love of all things holy, why is he wearing a CORN TIE?

Thank you for giving me new nightmare fuel re: vinegaroons.

THIS

I read this whole list thinking it was a list of things this dude was looking for in a person and I was like, what the everliving fuck? And then I reread the title and I was like, what the everliving fuck?

Why, oh why, is her hair TUCKED INTO her dress?

Someone I went to high school with calls herself Edamame now...

Just a disclaimer as someone who works at a B&N, if a customer complains about the front of a magazine, we have to cover up the offending area....remember that breastfeeding cover? SO MANY COMPLAINTS

Cocaine.

I loved that movie so much growing up.

Technically, it could be pig assholes. I'm sure Taco Bell regards them as meat....

It would truly annoy us.

I was 15 and in Norway, and I was staying with a friend. We were in the parking lot of a garden center and I saw an old man, dressed in full pirate garb, COMPLETE WITH PEG LEG, making out with an old woman, dressed as a "wench". Only it wasn't even remotely sexy. It was like a sword fight, but with tongues. The…