There are no condoms being provided this year.

This means that in 15 years we are going to have a new generation of super Olympians that were conceived this month.

If I weren’t married, I too would selflessly volunteer to help these three gentlemen test the beds. Or the floor.

I also like the purple gingham and am sad that it’s uncomfortable (since what boobs I have are now definitely moving south, it would not work on me--but it doesn’t have to).

...I think you look really cute in these? But I hear you—I ordered a white dress in a very similar style from Loft and when it came time to try it on I looked like I just caught dysentery on the Oregon Trail.

Cluck that shit.
(I tried)

Given the state of modern acrylics, I have come to realize a lot of people do not need to work for a living or maybe they just don’t need to type very quickly. 

OMG, I was thinking the EXACT same thing. My wife got a sunburn on the 4th of July while wearing a tankini and boy shorts bottoms, and there was a small gap between the top and the bottoms.

Super pale me:

*sobs* please... someone explain the pulling-your-bottoms-so-high-over-your-hips thing... my family is dying

That’s the style (for better or worse). Like bikini tops that intentionally don’t cover the bottom of your boobs. 

Kate Upton’s swimsuits didn’t fit her either. She looked like an Easter ham.

Well, even the Devil can quote scripture for his purpose, don’tcha know.

I like how you wrote that the media was largely to blame for Britney’s situation and mental health struggles due to the breathless and shameless way they treated everything she did/that happened to her, no matter how serious it may be, as just another piece of salacious gossip... then write this dumb snarky…

Keeping her in a perpetual state of dependence on them is what allows them to continue collecting and controlling the profits from her work. It's what a lot of abusive people do.

“...the only reason she isn’t working at a Hobby Lobby is because of Britney. She owes her whole life to her sister.”

I find it hilarious that Jamie Lynn Spears would hide under the guise of being a “christian” when she herself is “anti-christian”. She says she has not benefitted from her sister’s fame considering the only reason she isn’t working at a Hobby Lobby is because of Britney. She owes her whole life to her sister.

Don’t go after people going through a traumatic experience. What the fuck is the matter with you?

There was actually a stork that made an appearance so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I only saw the first two episodes of WandaVision before our Disney+ trial ended, but from what I remember, the second episode began with Wanda and Vision combining separate beds into one double bed, and ended with her suddenly becoming pregnant.