Helicopter parenting is bad and you can’t shelter them from bad stuff in the world too much but I feel like “I don’t want my children interacting with a known serial killer” is a fairly reasonable request?

Great... a 5th Pokémon app...

Cool interview.

I swear, you turn your back for one minute, and next thing you know David’s rolling an Astro in the back door.

She’s allergic to falcons.

I’ve noted this before - it’s really only useful if you A) get up before your room is already lit by sunlight or B) have thick/blackout curtains. I bought a wake-up light (similar model) a few years back and it never really changed much for me. I’m now looking into getting blackout curtains (because they finally fixed…

I’ve noted this before - it’s really only useful if you A) get up before your room is already lit by sunlight or B)…

When the person with the power to fire you says “I hope you can let this go” the exertion of influence to obstruct is undeniable. The obvious unsaid phrase is “or I’ll let you go”. Trump himself stated that Comey scheduled a meeting and asked to keep his job. Trump said he told him he’d think about it, and “we’ll…

Dont you just hate it when you put your last $1M in the machine to get that McLaren and just as the last coil unwinds, it gets snagged!! Now the next asshole to come along gets two Mclarens for the price of one. How does one shake a machine this big??

A giant comes with a big ring of keys, opens the front of the machine up, and refills it with cars from a box he bought from the wholesale store. Then he locks everything again and leaves until the machine needs filling again.

How is jellyfish anything considered vegan is my question.

Fun fact: Vegan Bentley still powered by incinerating billions of liquified corpses of tiny innocent sea creatures.

Tried so hard to laugh silently reading this at work.

its turtles all the way down

The last honk concert I went to was Florida Georgia Line.

At first glance, I thought that was a shitload of duct tape applied to the original bridge

“...a-and also you have some of that.”

Ah, but does the terminal have water access at which she could dock her yacht?

Gods of the underworld, sure. Old, ancient gods with powers like “takes solid shits” and “fucks the hottest sheep.” Trash food for trash gods.

Often the little things scare me the most. The changes in acceptable behavior, the lowering of expectations. Our imprisonment in this system will be built upon not one sweeping change, but changes to several laws, some of them seemingly concerning smaller issues or things that don’t usually concern you or me.