But you’ll notice all the white guys get antsy when their girlfriends talk to the band.

It would be great if this whole thing was just a long episode of Scooby Doo and at the end of tonight’s debate Hillary went Velma and yelled “jinkies!” while pulling Trump’s mask off.

I guess I’m an ass, but I don’t have a lot of sympathy for this kind of attention-seeking. He’s courting. He claims to be undecided, then he claims to be “more” undecided. He’s not politically moderate in any thoughtful or rational way. He just wants people to look at him. He offers autographs while wearing a shirt…

He’s not natural in the pocket

Officials wanted to punish him further but he plead “Sorry guys”, the ultimate Canadian legal defense. After that they were powerless but to return of verdict of “No, no, we’re sorry.”

Guy hitting .205 in High-A ball is worried about the wrong Mendoza.

I appreciate their consideration in that regard, too. But I can also focus more on my second favorite team, whoever’s playing the Patriots.

I have not made an injury comparison to the NBA, merely used the NBA as a big number to help establish the insane volume of people who’ve been injured through 3 weeks of NFL football.

Good thing people are around to control invasive species.

Ah, so you’re this guy, huh?

No kidding. Sports *again*?!

Sure, yeah. Maybe next time, I’ll rate games I play on a scale of 1-10.

Well, in their defense, it was pretty foggy.

“But Coach,” I said. “There are only one set of footprints leading downfield.”

So ur with ur honey and yur making out wen the phone rigns. U anser it n the vioce is “wut r u doing wit my daughter?” U tell ur girl n she say “my dad is ded”. THEN WHO WAS MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL?

If you’re the type of person who plays Bucs vs. Broncos in Philadelphia, maybe the game isn’t the only thing with a glitch.

mfw reading the replies

Articuno is real, OK? This is a good bird, the best bird. I’ve seen many, many birds and I’ve created thousands of nests. If I was elected to head of Pokémon GO I’d work on legendaries, because legendaries are low, it’s incredible. And I would create more creatures in the inner cities, which is what I really do best,…

Lucky! I once walked in on my college roommate having TB.

The fact that he considers mass-produced seasoning packets a "little known trick" is the cooking equivalent of his "little known coaching tactic" of screaming at people.