and rides a fixie.

he looks like he lives in portland.

We all know girls don’t shit.

I thought her name was stripper as a child. My parents thought it was hilarious.

Whatever bitches my Barbie’s dream house had an elevator.

“Call me when we’re finished.”

i mean i like dicks as much as the next girl but this dick is just meh.

Truth. She is everything do not get me wrong...just not an actress.

Nope, not even once.

How did I miss this fucking gem?!?!

Other people Ooze is my new band name, if a band can be called diarrhea planet then why not?

Life lesson: never get someone else’s name tattooed on your body unless it’s your mom.

Not to insult war crimes but this is probably worse. Why would you abuse icing like that?

I’m more of a cake woman myself, i have not met a pie i have liked.

Oh I know this, it is just fun to bask in it.

Oh just wait YOU NO LONGER NEED ME BECAUSE YOU CAN DO YOUR OWN FOLDING GUILT IN 3...2...

I’m just disgusting, that’s all.

On a scale of guilt to WHY HAVEN’T YOU CALLED ME IN 2 HOURS how is your guilt?

because you can only wear a pair of pants once if you don’t have undies

101 reasons why this will NEVER work.