Where the hell am I going to get explosive plates!?

Whenever I hear fans bitch that such-and-such player is only in it for the money, I always sympathize. At least the last two seasons of my miserable, benighted youth soccer career I was only in it for the orange slices.

No, my kid drinks from the hose!

I don’t want to report you to DCFS until I verify, but is that a used Aquafina bottle you filled with tap water you gave to your kid for rehydration? Because I have to say, unless that is a BPA-free container filled with purified electrolyte-infused bottled water, there are going to be problems.

And what do you recommend? A locally sourced quinoa bar filled with home grown nuts? You dirty shoeless hippie

The only proper snack for sports is orange slices you can turn into faux mouth guards. My child will have unfettered access to orange slices and be the least scurvy child on the field. Eat that shit, other parents!

Don’t you sense she’s got nothing left to offer? Giris premiered in 2012. She’s a one-hit wonder, more interested in her special brand of rich girl armchair Twitter activism and, apparently, abusing dogs, than in creating new shows.

Fuck yeah Dom, awesome interview

It’s OK. I’m sorry I know about those things.

gotcha.

Did you read what he wrote? His nonsensical rantings are those of a lunatic.

Excellent interview. It’s refreshing to hear such honesty and hindsight from a former player. Current NFL players should really pay attention to insight like this.

come the fuck on

If you honestly think she was in the right in those two circumstances... damn.

Oh wait here’s another gem

How do any of those dumb things she said make any sense to you?

Lena Dunham isn’t going to see all of your posts. You can let it go.

Clearly trying to what? Molest her sister, shame men who don’t fall at her feet when she expects them to, give up dogs and lie about the circumstances, which one?

Nah, bro. Lena Dunham gets attacked because she both invites it and deserves it. And you also know deep down she loves it.

Thank God OBJ didn’t fuck her.