He didn’t, though. He regrets the language used, which means the underlying sentiment was sincere. Fuck that guy.

Aaron did beat Shaq in basketball so anything is possible.

Your little sister knows what’s up. My first crush was Robin Hood. The fox from the Disney movie.

I totally had a crush on JT, too, but remember his hair? It looked like someone glued ramen noodles to the top of his head.

My little sister’s first crushes were Donatello and Darkwing Duck, so yeah.

Hafa adai! My grandfather was 100% Chamorro as well, and I still have a shitton of relatives in Guam. He served on the USS San Francisco at Pearl Harbor. If anything happens to my family or this beautiful island, I will never forgive any American that voted for Trump. I’ve been explaining to dumbasses ALL GODDAMNED…

Hey, don’t shoot the messenger.

Are you suggesting we invade Idaho for their strategic potato reserves?

The United States can no longer claim to be a representative democracy. The Senate needs to be radically reformed or abolished. Gerrymandering needs to be destroyed. The electoral college needs to be abolished. Most importantly, all citizens must be guaranteed easy access to a secure ballot for their vote.

Fuck this. Im’a moving to a remote island that’s far away from this shit.

All currencies are a construct of human perception. The value of gold, paper money, this lint I have in my pocket, it’s all relative in value to what we can (for the most part) agree on. Bitcoin is no different. Its more abstract and newer therefore harder to establish consistency and uniformily agreed upon value… I…

You forgot the most important part about how to get on with life afterwards: start collecting bottlecaps.

Can’t I just get under my school desk or a picnic blanket?

Spoken like a true Christian. No, really. Apparently Christians are fucking assholes.

Because it scares the fuck out of you when a predator does this to you. As soon as she felt powerful enough, she had him removed from the venue.

You know when you watch American Idol and those folks come in who are like— I’m the best singer! I’m amazing! And then they’re terrible and you’re left wondering if they have any actual friends?

Also impressive: that the apology was actually worse than the original statement (which was bad enough).

The original messages seem less horrifying if you hear the horn section and imagine Chevy Chase mugging to the camera. Wait no, they’re even more horrifying now.

They sound like lyrics to a really fucked up version of “You Can Call Me Al.”