That’s awful, but “magical powers to emotionally destroy teachers” may be one of my favorite sentences.

Chiggers suuuuuck. I grew up in Florida but went to summer camp in South Carolina one year and got not only Chiggers but also ring worm. I went straight from there to my regular camp in central Florida and also got my annual batch of head lice. Ahhhhhh, memories.

Why did “silly pancake” just make me lose my shit, that is fucking hilarious

I would have pissed in the car and been like “I told you I had to pee, maybe next time you’ll pull the Fuck over,” but that’s just the kind of kid I was

I work at B&N, I will be the honest asshole here, we judge people based on what they buy. Know that of you buy 50 shades of grey, Kardashian selfie book, we judge the shit out of you.

Is this real!?! Please tell me this is some sort of twisted late night show joke. This is some middle ages barbaric shit

That’s what I get for not checking auto correct, fucking phone

All of them were annoying. As hilarious as Emily could be, she was just as overbearing and obnoxious as all the rest of them.

All the high-fives. If I knew you, I would buy you a beer for that statement

I survive 15 years before my parents moved our assess 3,000 miles away. Literally one ocean to the other.

HOW DARE YOU! I am not ashamed to admit my love of taco bell. I know it’s about as far away from real Mexican food as you can get. I know it’s terrible for me and is filed with so many chemicals and preservatives that I’m probably a walking Monsanto distribution center, but I fucking love taco bell. There are a fair…

Target, 5 pairs for $20.

Seriously, it’s not that bad because tacos. “You’re fired, BUT HEY HAVE SOME TACOS!!” Can’t stay mad at that!

Haha! Jeez looking at the camera like “come at me bro! You got a problem!?”

It’s it sad that looking at that movie cover I think “I would totally rock that outfit; blue tights, black flats, headband, and comfy dress.” This is a children’s movie cover from the 90s and I want that outfit. I need to go study for finals now...

I used to work down the street from Miramar and drove past every day. Saw all kinds of cool as shit aircraft, also watched the air show from my buildings parking lot every year. Free Blue Angel show, Fuck yeah

No sorry about messed up shit is complete without one little dig at Florida

Hair spray and a lighter. Just make sure you have something nearby to put out the flames. But I can guarantee that fucker will be dead!

Pets are amazing. Children are the worst

Fucking LOVE Radio Lab and Snap Judgement. Those shows are amazing, especially Snap Judgement, his voice is almost hypnotic and lyrical