Uphill In The Snow Both Ways, man. You kids have no idea how good you had it!— before the 90s, we weird chicks had ZERO representation on television, and no role models, and no hope for affirmations that we were OK just the way we were & that this was a normal way to deal with our sick sad world. Before the 90s, the…

If I didn't ask to be hit on, why the fuck do I care if I'm hurting your feelings?

Oh, it's definitely my Holy Grail nail care product. I try others, but always have a tin of Burt's Bees as my backup.

"Can a white male liberal critique the country's current political-correctness craze (which, by the way, hurts liberals most)?"

Cuticles are just terrible, terrible things. Burt's Bees Lemon cuticle cream thing works really well in personal experience, and if you can stand it (I can't) a lot of people swear by wearing lotion/moisturizing gloves overnight.

Still not the worst cat...

Pitchfork's reviews are THE WORST. It's just a bunch of fucking needlessly flowery nonsense. It tries way too hard, and I feel like the reviewers go out of their way to sound like pretentious a-holes.

I currently have 4 earrings in, and some (also chipped, but whatever) pastel nail polish shades adorning my fingernails. I like accessories. #dealwithit

Men can look perfectly nice in jewelry, you just have to know what the fuck you're doing. And jewelry is meant to add some element of elegance and/or glamour to a look, not masculinity. If that's what you were aiming for, you're doing it very wrong.

LIES!

What if you're a transvestite? Not transgender, not a drag queen, but an executive transvestite?

I know. What a quick way to get men who want to wear jewelry (or WORSE! makeup or skirts or high heels) to feel pressured and pushed back into the little world of acceptable manliness. What a nice way to make sure that we are totally clear on what women should always do, and what men should always do, and that anyone…

Gdragon and Taeyand give no fucks about what you think.

What utter bullshit.

What? Absolutely not. I reject this. Not because I want all men to be decked out like Liberace, but I certainly want anyone who wants to look like Liberace to look like Liberace! Bedazzle yourself in crystals from head to toe to do it, if it makes you happy! I get that men's jewelry can look skeezy. Especially if you…

Pile that shit ON. Let your freak flag fly. And any woman/man who doesn't like it? Can go fuck whatever normcore they can find instead and then everybody's happy.

So this seems to be a big steaming pile of enforcing gender norms. Way to go? We really need to be telling all these men how to MAN better. That is precisely what this world needs.

Protip: if your essay starts with the idea "men should" or "women should" and ends with anything other than medical advice pertaining to their man/woman parts, you can stop right there.

You see, this is the great thing about getting older. I hit 50 and decided to just fuck it all and embrace my inner Big Old Queen. These days, that means a bunch of silver bangles, bought in places like Egypt and Ghana and the Grand Bazaaar in Istanbul, for weekend lunches; a ruby ring that called to me in Bangkok…

Wedding rings.