Can’t get a concussion when you don’t have a brain. Eli’s playing the long game here.

I expected to see Ex Machina about halfway through the list. When it still hadn’t shown up by the time I reached the top 5, I thought “Wow, is Ex Machina gonna be in the top 5? Bold move AVClub.”

Ben Roethlisberger introduced the players’ three choices

I’ll trade it for their not shooting any 12-year-olds with little warning and then lying to cover it up.

It’s amazing the Seahawks still seem emotionally scarred after Super Bowl 49. It’s been a few years now.

A baby bird in the nest that opens its brightly-colored mouth and makes a peep sound will be fed by its parents. It will continue doing this until it is a fully grown bird. Meanwhile, a baby bird that does not do this will starve to death.

But what if she gets her period during the broadcast?!?!?!?!

“more than half of us”

One of the changes that stood out immediately on Tuesday was the new logo, which is very large and very green.

I love how he goes from grandma to “get to the damn quarterback!”

It’s hilarious for Primetime to tsk tsk anyone

“Just Take these Andrew!”-Jim Irsay

You know what I would do if I had a net worth of $29 billion?

Any fucking thing I wanted.

You’d think with that much money he could pay someone to teach him how to move his arms like a real person.

And people laughed at me for not dropping him from my fantasy team.

Well now maybe he can move on in peace with his life . . . sentence.

>> Part of the reason I do this is because I like seeing beauty in the effort, and I didn’t see a lot of beauty in those last two books—I saw pure masochism.

With blackjack... and hookers...

This 11-year-old kid just put together more tangible thought and words than the fucking President of our country has at any point in his life.