Last I checked, the "still legal in New Hampshire" defense worked twice a year for Mark Sanchez.

"Rockin the new @spurs armband lol #holocaust"

Scene: Michael Phelps is taking a field sobriety test

The alternate, of course, is to jack up your cable rates.

Much like another second-fiddle LA sports team, it'll reboot to find out that the only difference is that it runs Windows 9.

+250k

"I told you to respond with an allusion, but that's cool too."

Reporter: Was there consideration or temptation to use Kyle Orton?

Oh The INTs You'll Throw

Bear: [falls asleep on pile of unused blackberries]

Are you worried about your Week 4 matchup against FakeBradSmith? How do you feel about his choice in knockoff designer fashion?

They've now gotten rolled by 19 points two weeks in a row, including yesterday's blowout by the shorthanded Chiefs.

Between this and finding out Adrian Peterson gives his kids a licking on a regular basis, the NFL has officially disgusted me too many times in a week.

Spielman: [trotted out to media, issues horseshit statement, walks back offstage] Whew! Good luck out there!

Yeah but the kid still chose him as a father.

Keith Olbermann Marries The NFL's Mom, NFL Walks In On Keith Olbermann Making Sweet, Raucous Love To Its Mom. The NFL Develops An Oedipal Complex Over The Course Of 20 Years And Marries Someone Similar To But Clearly Not The NFL's Mother. Years Later The NFL Has 5 Children With An Absolute Hellbeast And Demolishes Its…