And on this day, George Michael encountered Deadspin after searching the web for young men who are identical in appearance with a particular love for the scrotum.

Solid base, but a slight suggestion: Instead of a baby, you could try telling him you lost your sense of humor and originality. He'll know it's you, but both of you will be searching for a very long time.

JaMarcus Russell: Hey, Deadspin's talking about my weight loss! How nice of them. What else are they talking about?