To all you saying he is pro-life: The dude is pro-choice.

Just a reminder that back in ‘08, when Obama picked Biden, everyone was like “That boring old white dude?” And now we’re all like UNCLE JOE PLEASE DON’T LEAVE US.

My husband and I danced to Black or White by Michael Jackson, we’re interracial, and the guests in attendance seemed to be in on the joke, they all joined us on the dance floor.

one of the best ways to use it is the night before, it makes your hair way way less ick when you wake up

His expression is one of such, ahem, otter delight.

Said above but I’ll share it again:

Some stans are floating a a theory that he did this to provoke a lawsuit that wants to lose. The idea being that if he can’t get away with this based on laws around public figures, him and other folks will have a real precedent to topple the paparazzi

This is also why (theoretically) pirates wore eye patches: keep one eye covered in daylight so you can see up on deck, and then switch the eye patch to the other eye when you go below deck, where you will be able to see instantly because your previously-covered eye has already adjusted to the darkness.

If they actually show that they have spines, we might get enough voter turnout to do that. I can’t wait to see Paul Ryan’s sad fucking face if that happens!

This is how you know Blake Lively was a mean girl in high school. Because she thinks up shit like “meaty eyelids.”

Just after my son turned 21 he went out with friends. He came back totally looped and decided to share some of his deepest thoughts with me. My favorite of his loud, largely incoherent and disjointed ramblings was this: “Momma? I think that you and Lil Wayne are the only people that get me.”

I’m glad I moved out of Portland in time for this to be the case. One more homemade “Bernie or Bust” sign and I was going to go fucking apeshit on those selfish clowns.

The Vanisher -
The Vanisher will send an email, using words like “Urgent”, “Showstopper”, “ASAP” and disappear immediately after. All attempts to contact the Vanisher are futile, phone calls go to voicemail. When finally you give up and begin working on another task, the Vanisher will contact you asking why you…

Had a maaaajor fight with my husband this week. This happens every once in a while, I think because we aren’t around each other all the time. Stuff builds up. During the course of the argument it suddenly dawned on me that he’s depressed and I was too wrapped up in my own garbage to notice. Then I felt like shitty…

Not to mention that she’s now twenty and they’ve been together for five years. Meaning she was a 15 year old child and that creeper was a full adult when they began. That poor girl, she deserved better from the start.

I mean... or we could refer to Anne Wojcicki’s own (not insignificant) accomplishments like 23andme and not treat her like another man’s former property. Please and thank you.

I just can’t. I was born in San Francisco; my parents live there, today.

Some people can’t help invading your space due to size, and that’s just the risk you take when you fly.

“nonconsensual pornography, defined as the distribution of sexually graphic images of individuals without their consent.”

Can I just commiserate for a few seconds with those of you who have roommates and a significant other who also has roommates?