By the way, a galactic FUCK YOU to this movie for inspiring four billion thinkpieces from the Problem Internet.

American Sniper is just the Marine Todd internet meme made into a movie. Remember when The Passion of the Christ came out and people were afraid to criticize it for being nothing more than two hours of torture-porn because they were afraid of going to hell? That's Sniper. People don't want to be considered…

In my opinion Mark Ruffalo only takes acting jobs because the directors always say, "Come on Mark, eventually the movie becomes about your character!!!"

Consent is a simple word that overlooks so much. When a parent asks their kid whether they want to have sex, does the answer matter? Isn't the question wherein the wrong lies?

I believe you mean toxins.

Oh god. I turned 31 this year and my favorite brunch item from the place around the corner was removed recently... I vowed to never go there again. ITS LIKE YOU SEE MY SOUL.

Well, in my head, I was picturing this strange carousel of kitchen, table, irate customer, back to kitchen, back to table, irate customer......

Hi! I'm actually the server who submitted this story, the one you called a "fucking idiot" (thanks for that). Here's the thing - I described the dish to these women explicitly and they were nodding along and seemed to know what I was talking about. I'm not going to insult my customers intelligence by making sure they…

Is there any chance you could share some stories of her adventures in server torture? I don't know why I love these kinds of things, but I can't get enough.

With a quick roll of her eyes, she replied, "He's upset because he's watching his gluten."

That is somehow even better than the "I did a semester abroad in London and magically came home with the accent!" people. I think because the Dakotas aren't even... aspirational? I mean, my family's from the Dakotas, I've spent some summers in Fargo, it's shit. Like it's just not a place I'd be bragging about.

Wow, you just really want to make things the server's fault, don't you? Also, re-read the root beer story. He was TRYING to explain when she started shouting at him. So you have one story out of seven that would've been shortened (but wouldn't be as funny) if the server had asked a question or tried to clarify…

Come on now. Everyone knows that cut toast releases powerful and potentially deadly gluten fumes.

Whaaaaaaaat? No rumpsore comments yet?

Apparently, all of the servers in these stories have met my mother.

Their "science" is from WebMD. Also, I'm pretty sure most people who think they are "gluten sensitive" are really just eating shit food that makes them feel like shit. That beer and a grilled cheese followed by some chocolate cake isn't sitting well with you? Definitely gluten sensitive.

The "lady" in the last story sounds like a real half-wheat...

"Oh, well that's okay. I'm not allergic if they're ground up."

So in other words, you an uneducated nobody. I'll give you a tip for when you are discussing science in the future. Don't state that you are right. Science is about doubting your own assumptions, and a scientist is sure to dismiss your absolute dogma. Something tells me you don't know any sci types. You are just…

Considering that most of her prime swimsuit model days were in the 80s before people really cared about sun damage and everyone wanted to be bronze, I give her a pass on that too.