Duh! Thank you Captain Obvious!

I have the contract, it's ironclad. Don't go all Harper Lee on our asses!

So did I!

. . , then once she got that wedding ring never again.

They brought semi-automatics . . . so gauche!

Or duct tape?

In fairness I said cargo shorts, but yes I am that dad. {{{{{So glad my kids are sleeping so they can't see me cry.}}}}}

It is so mainstream now. I was actually thinking of getting remarried until I remembered why divorce is so popular.

That was you? I meet so many floating fetuses from Stanley Kubrick movies on those trips. Yeah, good times!

If they had a 20 minutes sequence about collecting driftwood and using it to build something cool like a bookshelf that would be cool too.

Ahhh Virginia Beach 2011. Good times. Good times.

Obviously you have never been to an Atlantic Ocean resort in late June.

Most people I know called him Shazam but most people I know are also idiots so that really doesn't mean much.

. . . and how did George Bush win the election in 2004 when no one I know voted for him . . . or voted for that matter?

I tried it too. It didn't work for me either. Gonna try it three times in the mirror before bed tonight though just to make sure.

Wait is this one sponsored? I get so confused now!

Dwayne Johnson as a Super Hero who is mostly known for a catchphrase? I think I can smell what DC is cooking.

I just found out they have The Stand. BTW thank you again for that kind sir. Can't wait until I have 6 hours to have it on the background while I multitask.

There's porn on the internet? Do people know about this? Why aren't we funding this revolution?

Google Fiber is in Kansas City! Someday it'll make it to little back waters like New York and Washington DC I just know it!