His eyes lit up. He perked up his head and asked if I was kidding. I told him of course not, and that he should never be ashamed of having something that makes him happy. I let him know that in the game design program at my college, we had problems keeping the programmers on task because all the grown men couldn't…

Gamers: "Tell Kojima that Metal Gear Solid V is really cool!"

The Pokemon story warms my heart. That poor kid must've been verbally abused at school or something. Probably by kids who think Nintendo is "immature" because it's not full of guts an swearing.

Kris, never stop.

You can't win having kids (pulls out)

Look how happy they are in the first photo! They belong together. Why won't they be together? WHY LORD WHY

Re: Teresa sitting on the bowl; do any of you ladies actually sit on a public toilet? It's my understanding that you all magically hover over it "Matrix" bullet-time meets "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" style.

I love everything about this woman, including the incredible love story that was her marriage. Some quotes surrounding that:

They took her gat at the door and made her put her blunt out.

I went Googling, but all I found was this:

The name change is just Step One. Step Two is faking his own death. Then Step Three is getting Kris out of the public's eye for a while so he can slowly skin her alive, cure his brand new Kris-skin-suit, and alter it so it's perfect for Step Four. Which is reappearing in the public as Kris and taking over her life.…

Greatest intro sentence ever. Get it, Ellie

"tools to fight back against the culture of death"

I guess you have to do something in the offseason when you don't have your team's playoff chances to fuck.

Philip Rivers: an apparent spokesperson for "Natural Family Planning". I guess that's what we're calling "fucking your wife without birth control" these days.

His JAR (Jizz Accuracy Rating) is a sky-high 187.2!

God save us.

What's more amazing is that it takes months for it to float its way to the egg.