Shelter Cat Update!

I audibly gagged at the thought of getting ready to go down on a sexy dude, only to be punched in the face nose by some stank hot dog dick.

I don’t get it. THIS IS NOT HOW IT WORKS. You choose to get rid of things that don’t bring you joy. If you are getting rid of things just to appease your girlfriend or are going along with the whole process because ‘UGH, LADIES AMIRITE BRO?’

Yes!!!  The LW’s therapist is not doing a great job there if that’s where her mind is at.

Look, there’s nothing wrong or weird or bad about people breastfeeding other people’s babies. We’ve done it since the dawn of humanity (wet nurses, anyone??) It’s the fact that she did it without consent that feels so gross. It would be like if you kept kosher or halal and your day care provider just fed your kid regul…

Bam.

If you can’t love her even more.

I'm not sure middle America is ready to watch a white women date 25 black men at once. 

Comer blew my everlovin’ mind in that show.  She’s spectacular.

Um, I think it’s amazing that Miley Cyrus is able to look past Liam Hemsworth’s conventional ugliness and fall in love with his beautiful soul. On a spiritual, post-gender level.

Arrested today, Supreme Court justices 20 or 30 years from now.

I had been in Guantanamo Bay for six weeks and attended a Hail and Farewell for my command. I got drunk and went home with a doctor. We made out and once in bed he asked in a baby voice “can I put my wiener in your butt?” I had two choices: leave or pretend to be asleep. So the next morning I gathered my clothes and…

I almost never say this, but I think you may be overanalyzing here. 

In my youth, outside of the bar at closing time was called “the sidewalk sale” because men would literally just pick twinks off and bring them home.

This has been pinpointed elsewhere, but every lyric in “Motion Sickness” lines up with this story. I’ve played this song frequently the last couple years, but never made the connection until just now, and geez if it doesn’t take on a whole new meaning now:

I feel very conflicted about this. On the one hand, I’m not convinced Ryan Adams is a real person. On the other hand, I’m not convinced he and Bryan Adams are different people. On the third hand, I love Mandy Moore, so this guy can go straight to hell.

On the train, I started to smell something foul. I glanced towards the back where there was a young woman changing a poopy diaper. Not the greatest situation, but I shrugged it off.

I was sitting across from an older gentleman with a viking hat on who was eating dried rice from a bag. A rude adolescent at the time, I couldn’t help but watch him, mouth ajar, since we were sitting parallel. He looked me dead in the eye and spit a combination of rice and mucous across the row and into my mouth.

Yeah, i’m pretty sure the “real tragedy” is Michael Jackson raping children.