In my day four minutes was three punk songs.

Why would we Americans do things the way you people do, with your big government and your 120% income taxes? Our way is the best! We are exceptional. Please go back to waiting for us to bomb you for your own good, to save you from the rest of the world. You’re welcome.

Where I’m from they will actually take your picture and print it for you at no cost at the passport office.

Falcons beat Patriots in Superbowl after being down 28-3.

“I am the one true fan because I’m miserable whether my team wins or loses.”

They’ve had two of the greatest quarterbacks the game has ever seen and have two championships. This organization has been a luckier version of the Lions with their failure to capitalize on Barry Sanders and Calvin Johnson.

Hey now, this had worked before! Remember when Joe Gibbs came back from NASCAR?

Gruden would be better off spending the rest of his working life at ESPN. His stature has risen over the years, despite his stats. Everyone wants him to coach, but as the years go by, they forget how average he was. This job will ruin the unearned holy status he’s held dear. Every year he spends not coaching increases…

Twitter sucks extremely hard, but it’s nearly impossible to overstate the corrosive effect Facebook is having on public life, all the time, all around us.

1) who said anything about a shower beer?

I know this exit, I believe it is Exit #8-8

If there’s one team I love watching shoot off their dicks with a 12 gauge, its the Cowboys.

And the post Jimmy Johnson era of Jerry Jones’ ownership continues to thrill and delight non Cowboys fans across America.

I’m probably not (and trying to defend bad takes on the internet is still better for my blood pressure than watching the George Stephanopolous, Meet the Press, Face the Nation, Fox News marathon Trump jerk off my mother-in-law has plunged into while we wait for Santa to bring us out trickle down fortunes).

Dude, the CNAs I work with, each and every one, adds more value to the world than each and every one of these assholes. What they do actually matters. What Ivanka and Wyatt do (and they’re basically the same) is make shitty clothes that, if they don’t sell, it’s fine, because they still have money.

“I look forward to spending more time with my substance abuse issues.”

Hey at least Law was punished by....being transferred to one of the most prestigious churches on earth.

Why do you care if I don’t trust people who have no use for animals? The day I meet someone who doesn’t like animals but is a good person is the day I’ll rethink my position, but I haven’t come accross anyone like that yet.

+5,000 because Trading Places IS the best Christmas movie!