Oh and when people respond to that with "But she's your mother!"

I could sit here and write tens of thousands of words totally empathizing with you and the other commenter on this - believe me, I could, and would drive myself crazy having the think about decades of it - but, I think, all I really need to say is my mother is also BP/BPD and, in my opinion classic NPD but that hasn't…

"The BPD/BD combo really seems to encourage that delusional self-preservation": My mother's recent diagnosis with borderline was a revelation for me and made so many pieces of my childhood/teen years fall into place. There are four or five "types" - she displays symptoms from basically all of them. In addition to…

My mother was a text book narcissist. I was relieved when she died, because I finally had a socially acceptable answer for why I had no contact with her anymore. I was finally free from having to justify why I didn't speak to her, have a relationship any longer, and I couldn't even describe the covert, insidious…

And I just logged into my Kinja account for the first time in ages to thank you, elliebee and Mimilady, for writing your comments. You both captured the post-severance emotional turbulence so well.

This is one of the things I struggle with so much. I had a wonderful childhood growing up. Now my mother is severely mentally ill and suffering from dementia, and I serve as her primary caretaker. She is very often emotionally abusive, to the point I've been driven to hysterical tears four times in a single day. …

Neglectful parents - "I taught you how to be self sufficient!"

So much this. I cut my mother out of my life, my damaging, abusive mother who as a diagnosed psychopath, whose fantasy became her reality, and could argue for it so vehemently you questioned yourself. I tried and tried for something normal, but when I was having n0 1 child, I found the strength to end the…

Curious - was your mother medicated or receiving treatment of her mental health issues?

This. So. Much. I cut off my parents at 26 after continuous emotional abuse (neglected childhood, parentification, religious extremism, non-schooling, isolation in the woods). My parents were codependent, gaslighting narcissists.

Don't answer if this is too personal, but how often are you in contact with her, and are you happy with that amount of contact? I have a really similar situation and for the past two years I have been significantly decreasing the amount of contact I have with my mother, and it has greatly improved my mental health and…

"A common story among parents who have estranged adult children is how much they had focused on their children, how much they did to make sure their children had all the best advantages, made them the center of the family universe — and often how they treated them more like an equal or an adult than a child.
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I think sometimes abusive parents have a tendency to believe the lies they've told themselves about how wonderful their children's childhoods were. Particularly if their children turned out to be decent adults.