I know plenty of middle aged and older people who use multiple ?’s and !’s after each sentence. One manager in my company uses elipses between every single sentence, but not just three periods, usually 5+.

That would be noted racist shitbag Donald Sterling.

Tell me about it. I feel like every dollar I spend ends up going against my values somehow. It’s like the more you know, the less you enjoy your life. :-/

shit like this always makes me think of that lindy west quote from shrill (which i’m paraphrasing): feminism is realizing everything you love actually hates you.

Ugh, why can’t people allow me to enjoy them/their things without being secretly awful.

A friend of a friend used to work at the “Turtle Talk with Crush” attraction at Disney World. There’s a portion of the show where the children are allowed to ask Crush questions. Apparently a kid once asked Crush why her parents took a shower together in the hotel room that morning. I don’t know how he answered that…

these NAMES

UGH.

A friend of mine recently reminded me of a sleepover at our third friends house (when we were 11) where the parents had really loud sex while we were trying to sleep then our friend got up when we heard them finish and said “I like to get them water when they’re done, they’ll be so thirsty.” Um WTF, I’d blocked that…

It’s always been a thing, like since the beginning of time. And it’s a thing all over the world. And it’s a thing with other mammals. It’s pretty natural and instinctual.

That made me need pukey pukey time. (Disclaimer, might be a trifle inebriated.)

We bought our house from a couple with four kids. It took me a week before I noticed the slide-lock on the inside of the master bedroom door! (And yes, we used it too.)

One of the funniest experiences of my life:

I find that code alarming because as a kid, I totally would have tried to eavesdrop if my parents told me that they needed to go talk about Christmas.

Once the cat got explosive diarrhea in the master bedroom and my daughter came in while I was scrubbing the carpet and told me to clean it really well because that wasn’t a smell anyone would want to smell while you were in bed “hugging and touching each other’s faces.”

literally anything is better than KISSY KISSY TIME

I might have known she’d have a weed-buying gown.

Am I missing something? She still looks like that, she just wears really dramatic makeup with sharp contouring.

How fucking dare she?! I bet she was going to use the force of law to steal your guns, religious freedom, homophobia, islamophobia and misogyny too.