It’s a good thing my dog is going to live forever and I won’t have to go through this.

*faaaaaaaaaart noise*

I don’t think people are very considerate anymore. I always wait until my friends (boys and girls) are safely in their car or in their house before I drive away. That has literally never happened for me, except for when my own dad is dropping me off somewhere.

I always hope my friends notice me sitting in my car, and…

Basically: what if I make a decision and I’m wrong? I mean that’s pretty much everything I worry about just in every possible imaginable form.

I just want to get in here before the flood of “why aren’t you supervising your children” comments to say, preemptively, fuck off.

I just got back in from a dog walk during which I had to stop repeatedly to pick burrs out of my pooch’s hair. Why would anyone spend money on plastic burrs? WHY MARK?

YES! I love advice columns, but I’ve always found Emily Yoffe to be a bit awful about issues around consent. And I love the Toast, so this should be exciting.

This is a good point... but that means I COULD MAKE ONE MYSELF.

Oh duh.

Honestly, I don’t know what your beef is. The two of them happened to meat under tough circumstances, and their love is rare, so let them enjoy it. It's clear they're searing hot for each other, but each of them seem to maintain a cool center and I think that's admirable. And Gwen is among the most beautiful women in…

Those are the best kind— because throughout the day, you will meet one or two people who know exactly who you are, and loves it. THOSE people get you! That’s who you’re dressing for. The rest of those pathetic normies, ehh, nobody cares about their confusion or their opinions. They wouldn’t know a good costume if it…

I am going to make my child sit in the fire place and then start a fire.

Jane you are so dang good at this. Every Friday I check to see if a new Deep Cuts is up. When it is, my best friend and I race to send each other the link and then discuss the picks. Thanks for continuing this genius feature.

I straight up drink it for the drug effects. I refuse to believe that anyone who drinks it black (or who drinks straight liquor) actually enjoys the taste.

“Andre, take me to Red Lobster.”

That’s like walking into someone else’s house and lighting a scented candle you brought with you. It’s fucking weird and completely unacceptable.

i love having bangs but i just grew mine out so i could cut my hair off to chin-length and not look like dora the explorer — and i could not stand to look at myself for two weeks but when you make it through the wilderness that shit feels good

If there’s one group of people I’m always trying to please with my looks, it’s dudes who troll women’s beauty blogs to talk about their dick-feelings about different women’s hairstyles. I don’t know what it is about those guys, but they just do it for me.

was anybody else OBSESSED with Jawbreaker? The styling was SO AMAZING but completely unlike what anybody was wearing

I loved it until middle school broke my spirit.