Saw her across a hallway at college, and a voice said, “You’re going to marry her.”

I had the love at first sight feeling with my person. He did not feel the same way. lol. He had just started dating someone, but two and a half years later, we got together!

Today I find solace in the fact that while he may have more money in his sofa cushions than I’ll earn in a lifetime, it still looks like his fly is open in that photo.

How incredibly perfect!

Or at least not give him the wifi password.

I love this. But also, if he was my kid I’d kick his ass out and let him couch hop with his Nazi friends. 

Kessler then goes on a rant about how his family has been brainwashed by the History Channel’s anti-German, pro-Jewish propaganda. He’s likely referring to the network’s old reputation of constantly airing World War II documentaries

This is why I hate this ridiculous concept of “teamwork” in the workplace.

I’d say I’m middle class, and I’ve been working in professional jobs for over 20 years. There is no doubt that, despite raises, my money is tighter now more than ever. It just doesn’t go as far. Our salaries have not kept up with the world. Good to know that the CEO class still and again comes out ahead.

I dunno what you socialist commie libs keep whining about. If we all just work harder and we all become CEOs, then we’ll all be rich. Duh.

Only 5% of women’s pockets can fit a man hand, meaning I have to keep my severed man hands in an NPR tote bag, which is honestly just a mild inconvenience.

Self identifying as a Gypsy is not the same as being Romani and Europe is notoriously racist against that particular community so the UK lexicon arguably isn’t the greatest barometer for whether or not it’s acceptable to use that word. Just my opinion.

That story makes me want to put Johnny Depp in a rocket launched at the sun. Johnny, just go away already. It’s over and everyone who didn’t know it already knows that you’re a P.O.S. No need to dredge up literal shit to further prove it.

They really should refer to him as Sir Michael J. Fox because he’s considered Canadian royalty.

As I heard someone say this week: “The enemy of my enemy is Omarosa.”

Do these people realize they’re talking about a 12 year old? Regardless of gender, a child is a child and doesn’t deserve this bullshit from adults. 

The real trouble is when you hold the door open for someone, and you find yourself unable to figure out when to let the door go as a long stream of people file in right after.

My 65 year old father is married to a 25 year old. Before this he always dated relatively age appropriate (e.g. he was 60 dating a 45 year old) but honestly I think he found women his age too opinionated and demanding. He doesn’t want a partnership, he wants someone who listens to him, defers to him, looks up…

Amber Ruffin is a star