My real name is MassiveCockDragsOnFloorAndLeavesDeepGauges'77.

Stallion83? More like Gelding83. Ha! Gamers are impotent. Especially gamers named Cox.

How many Gamescore points do I earn for killing a Gamescore champion?

The funniest thing about that piece of shit was the pun with Joe Pesce's name and the film's title, and even that isn't funny, at all.

You never have to apologize for a film with Jennifer Aniston in a bra (and panties?) and talking real dirty.

Ellen Page was nude in Juno? Oh, you mean professional exposure. Yeah, that's important, too…

Those two actors? Orson Wells and Marlon Brando.

"He's a disgusting pedophile with a massive child porn collection, is what you're saying. Just say it directly and loudly because you should never be coy or cute when referencing a crime as utterly heinous as child abuse and molestation. If an adult or anybody touches your private areas you tell a trusted adult…

Now if only JJ Abrams would, too. No, no, I'm kidding, of course. But JJ Abrams is a maker of terrible entertainment type things.

Just to Piss You Off, apparently. Ha ha!

Allow me to reveal the luminescent silvery lining of your seemingly bleak tale of woe. You say your Grandfather will probably be better off in the nursing home? Well, that's actually a positive thing, isn't it? Sure, it's terrible to witness the merciless ravages of time played upon a loved one, but his situation…

Too bad.

Do they now do a psychological workup on a kid who bites and attempt to identify the emotional or physiological cause for the child's aggressive behavior? Or—as a normal, rational, sane person would do—they just say "Wow, a child behaved like a child. Back to work."

Ya know what can exacerbate depression? Dairy. Yeah, there's certain enzymes in processed dairy which can interfere with your body's serotonin levels. Processed flours, apparently, are not good for mood disorders. And also processed sugars. Avoid those 3 nasty characters and you might be surprised at the renewed…

Also, Chew first, then swallow.

Or nuthin' 'bout not suckin' at baseball.

Conservatives frequently revert to the infantile mental state at which some of their most profound emotional traumas occurred. Remember how Ronny Reagan called his wives Mommy? Well, you are obviously a similarly stricken man/child ineffectually laboring to escape your deep feelings of inadequacy and forever…

Topical film reference!

OK seriously, criticizing the Pres for taking creative proactive action to publicize the now-functioning new Healthcare program is just juvenile and hypocritical. Exploiting the high profile Office of the President of the United States of America for his own political ends may seem to you to be misguided and…

But Hitler would definitely have been a Democrat. It's true, I read it on Slate.