I often went to a Starbucks in grad school simply to force myself to do work. I’d order an overpriced 2 dollar mini popcorn just to justify being there. Then one day the Starbucks employee said, “You don’t actually have to buy anything. Feel free to come and do your work anytime!”

Half the times I’ve gone into a Starbucks I’ve taken a pre-coffee dump. It’s almost a ritual, and it’s possible the main reason I’ve ordered a coffee afterwards was guilt for the deuce. As per usual, I guess it’s a lucky thing I’m white.

Well, first of all, this is 90% on Starbucks. If they don’t call the cops, then none of this happens. Trespassing?!? In a fucking coffee shop. Fuck you. You put an open sign in the front window; nobody is trespassing.

I disagree. I believe this is a situation where a bird in hand is worth two in the bush. You will not get that great benefit for involuntary bumping when the airlines, as usual gets enough people to volunteer and, if you are not one of those volunteers, you will end up with nothing. It just depends upon how flexible…

"I like my coffee like I like my men."

I save bread is going to be my new victory cry. Love it!

"I save bread!"

I know this might not be the best place to say it, but i just need to express my eternal gratitude to jezebel for having the only comments section anywhere on the Internet that fills me with joy instead of anger.

I legitimately would not have been able to bring myself to get mad about the bread basket, and that is coming from a former waiter. Those people sound amazing.

In Soviet Russia, bread save you!

"Yes, and I like my coffee like I like my men." The waiter, without changing his expression said, "I'm very sorry, madam, but we don't have any gay coffee."

I particularly love the ending for #3... wasn't sure where it would go when they were getting "belligerently drunk", and was happily surprised at the sheer simplicity of it. I dunno, I just love it. That (drunken) release from "oh shit, fire!" to "ha ha, but he save(d the) bread!" :D

Yeah, the definition of "not compete" in the second paragraph was also troubling.

I'm going to guess: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RealDoll

My vag *is* like Narnia. It's buried behind a pile of furs.

The kind who has a helium tank in his closet to blow up all of his plastic dolls.

What kind of moron uses "You have pubic hair" as a putdown?