Nebraska, I'm impressed! (Confused, but impressed.)

What would be the worst instrument or alternative method (like whistling or humming) to fuck up the National Anthem with? I'm going to say violin.

Laxne

The only college nickname worse than "Hoo" is "Double Hoo."

Do you want anteaters? Because that's how you get anteaters.

He was literally the closest competent basketball player.

Always highlight truthers.

Rich Diana? I'm hazy on the details, but IIRC he was a Yale RB who played a year for the Dolphins and quit to go to med school.

"Role Tide." Nice.

Nothing will top Andy Reid in punt, pass and kick.

Your mom must be so proud.

Beat it!

Boeheim wanted "the best defensive player in the country to play" but hoped Melo's return would be within the rules, the report said.

Golden Pheasant from Slovakia is pretty good.

Bill Swerski?

This is a revolution in Chinese fisticuffs. A boxer rebellion, as it were.

Pop actually looks like my dad.

Came for this joke, leaving feeling satisfied.

If I remember correctly, it's that he found his mom's porn collection when he was a kid.

Between "Finger Lakes red wine," that label, and the color, I know exactly what "Red Cat" tastes like, without ever having a sip. And trust me, it's not good.