I remember being told by Seventeen in the early 00s that I should be putting vaseline on my eyelids if I wanted to be doing the model thing on the cheap. I was about 13 years old and had nowhere to go except my friend’s house after volleyball, or the odd outing with three boys who were so trustworthy (2 were gay) that…

I don’t wear hats so maybe I’ll have to settle for a taco instead.

I am giddy lately about Bristol Palin news. Of course she married that guy! The one who helped her with that totally-planned, but complete mistake of a pregnancy! If I don’t hear about some kind of wedding-party rumble, I’ll eat my hat. Shine on, you crazy Alaskan diamonds.

Jesus. After the last few weeks I’ve had, this story just keeps boiling my blood a little more. I’m so angry to keep hearing about this kid, but so happy his name continues to be attached to outrage.

Oh Blake and Gwen, please just break up already. Not really, but I feel like the constant reminders of their LUV cheapens Gwen’s brand. But maybe I’m just a cranky hater.

Just here to say that I am very happy for Kirsten Dunst and Landry Clark. I mean Jesse Plemmons. #landryforever

Noooo no no. If True Life: I’m Getting Plastic Surgery taught me anything, it’s that getting breast implants is not a pleasant experience. This man, he probably really wanted breasts.

I will never not-read People again for not knowing about Jenny Slate, and for NOT mentioning in their stupid list, her most iconic role.

Bridgettttt! She was in school full time, and I kinda felt like she was being very pragmatic about that setup. But always so sweet.

One of my friends orders Dominoes so much he feels the need to mix it up with Pizza Hut every few orders, so they don’t get to know him. STOP IT NOW, FRIEND. These people just want to care for you.

When I was a young child, like perhaps around the age of 6, my aunt ran a home daycare business I used to patronize at times. At one point, they finished their giant basement and made it into a sort of kids’ paradise, although I’m sure it was more like “all you brats stay down there and be loud, it has all the toys…

My best friend had a baby a little over a year ago, and she came to visit me when she was about 6 months pregnant. We live about 8 hours apart, so when we do get a weekend it’s treated like gold. It was the weekend before my birthday but I had planned stuff like going to museums and renting movies, instead of our…

Ewwww. I’ve been vegan, my sister still is, and I do enjoy trying vegan baking recipes.

• Scarlett Johansson was denied entry into an NYC club and “began questioning the bouncer as to why Leonardo DiCaprio...was let in and she wasn’t.”

I once had the odd experience of going to a radio station new rock concert (I saw Korn for free and I didn’t hate it :/), then a week later, going to some small-time country music fest, in the same GD field. I will take Korn and Rob Zombie fans and tons of boobs over the country crowd. These weren’t pretty-people Palm…

Ahhhhh, I’m not trying to brag buttttt...last night my friend and I bought Beyonce tix for May 18th! And in July, I’m seeing Dixie Chicks with another group of close lady friends! This makes me very excited.

Fuck this. I can’t even. Thanking god I hit a 420 sale yesterday, cause I am fully prepared to go home, get CRAZY baked and watch Purple Rain on a loop. Good day sirs.

Sexting.

I have been thinking about Beverly Cleary since her birthday has been in the news, and I love her and Judy Blume, and now I’m misty. I knew then and especially now, how powerful I felt having these interesting female characters to learn from in fiction. I knew I loved reading, and I knew how tough school could be,…

Paula. What? I have discovered leggings as pants a few days a week, and I like to make sure a shirt/tunic covers my ass, but I don’t know man. It’s just an odd thing to say in an interview, front privates. It makes me cringe from my vagina outward.