Having seen an episode of “Oz” in the 90's while staying at a hotel with HBO, Mike is very much looking forward to prison. A fact he keeps telling Mother over nightly dinners of noodles and butter, hold the butter.

I can’t wait for this guy’s sentenzen.

Pence got the rowdy members of Chugalug House expelled.

Frankly, I give less than a shit about your debate club rules here. Thank you, I’m making my points, you understand them, that’s all I care about.

The thought of my company’s weak AF union walking off the job is laughable. They’ve tried a strike exactly once in my 14 years here. You had the 3 diehards (local president and 2 stewards) outside picketing and the rest drove right on by to clock in.

Chess always seems like I game I think I should be playing because smart people play it before I go back to blasting aliens in Doom.

“First rule is to make sure your opponents are the ones playing checkers while you play chess”

- Lavar Ball, while staring at a backgammon board

I’d call them criminally underpaid workers.

Maybe somebody should tell gramps that hes not in the camps any more.

That mother jones article is very much full of shit FYI.

I want to meet the weirdo who asks him for a bite of his bologna sandwich and a swig of his milk.

You picked a fine time to leave me, loose wheel...

“.....including an AR-15 that could be converted into an AK-47.”

Go out on my back porch, stare off into the distance, and sob. It isn’t really that location-dependent, but I do have a nice porch.

Generally, whenever I feel accomplished enough to think I deserve some type of reward I play a video game. I feel I have the best ability to enjoy it knowing I’m not simply procrastinating and deserve the time to turn off my brain for a while.

Nobody here will admit it but people LOVE this shit.

This baloney-smuggling story did not go in the direction that teenage me thought it would.