Im gonna take my mom out for a nice seafood dinner and then never call her again.

Drake makes Vanilla Ice look like Scar Face.

Its not his fault.

Oral sodomy?

Goodell looks like the kind of guy who pays women to stomp on his balls and jam bananas up his butt.

Guns are fucking awesome.

ho

Dont say that.

Are you kidding me?

I wish a meteor made out of AIDS would land on these people.

“Dad was always very busy with work. Something about a ‘solution’. Maybe he was into chemistry.”

“...the team’s intention was to bake a solar cake and a wind-powered cake.”

I wouldnt put up with that shit.

My dad told me I should investigate corruption in Russia.

Only if you believe the Liberal Media.

That guy doesnt look half-Nigerian.

Haha, I bet that was pointy.

??

Because....

Oh Johnny Football, your crack pipe must be hot to the touch right now.