I’m always torn by this stuff.

It’s amazing that people who look Giuliani and Trump are confident enough to make fun of the way women look. And Hillary Clinton is far more attractive than they have ever been. Where does that kind of undeserved self esteem come from?

Says the man whose hairline is so disgusted with him that it’s literally running the other way off his head.

what the hell is that first sentence

You would probably cook it for breakfast.

There’s only one headline I want to read that includes the words “Donald Trump” and “funeral.”

I really love this entire sentence.

Trump’s man for the import business

We are where we are now because the showrunners of The Apprentice made up a character of a suave and savvy businessman for Trump to play. And America watches too much reality TV.

Jeez, if only we cared this much about destroying that other planet! you know, the one that supports all human life that ever has and ever will exist?

“...makes a good case that OJ either did it, knowingly...”

Yeah the ‘Africa’ thing is dumb, but tbf whenevet I told people in the US that I volunteered in Zambia I usually had to qualify it with the continent.

“She got super mad and stopped talking to me.”

Can we just agree that Captain Fuckface is a useless POS who has only one qualification and that is being a giant fucking racist which is the only thing his redneck, dipshit supporters care about.

This is exactly the conversation I had with my eight year old:

“And I would probably recommend that the murderer - whomever he ... or she... may be - immediately hop into a white, um, Chevy Blazer with their friend Sal Bowlings...”

The premise of “If I Did It” always sounded like me at age 5 when I fucked up something in the house.

I think the proper description would be self-righting or non-capsizing.